Starting to wake up a little bit. A glorious autumn and winter had me happy and joyful. Late winter hit me hard with health problems. It knocked me down hard. Scary terrified hard. Spring is helping. The sun. RIP Ali.

Raw Vegan Pad Thai

A murder of crows.

My daughters birthday today.

Today was nice enough to go outside for a bit. Still wintry but mild. I'm on my patio watching my murder of crows picking up the peanuts, the two jays dodging in for their share, the flickers hanging on the seed cakes, and the tiny finches on the suet.
I'm so elated and renewed by what I see. Humanity  should be the Shepard of the earth. Lately we've pretty much sucked at that. I can Shepard my little ecosystem here in my back yard and have that resonate back out into the universe. That brings me a lot of joy to help rinse out the crap I've been feeding myself for most of my life. I breathe in the smells of the rain and damp washed world and I feel the wonder and magnitude of being human.

I'm in computer hell

Hope to get back to nterwebs soon.

Percival and the Fisher King

In a legend about the Holy Grail, two questions are asked. What ails thee? and Whom does the Grail serve?
This is my observation of sorts about that text in The Awen Alone (Van Der Hoeven).

A story about Percival and the Fisher King.

Percival missed the opportunity to ask two questions of the King. The first is What ails thee? The opportunity to show compassion. 
In the story, I think, the idea is to seek within to understand our selves better and become more able to control our responses to the good the bad or the ugly. "...eliminating a reactionary response for a more intentional response..."; to show compassion for our selves serves to help us feel compassion for others, and in this story that would be the ill King. Not asking what ails thee, kept the King from healing.

The second question Percival missed asking, Whom does the Grail serve? Once again we come to intent. Questioning our intentions can give us pause to work out the best path to take. Need to practice that myself. A lot lot.

While it may be a Aurthorian legend, the questions posed resonate with me. I have used them as affirmation to alter a negative path choice to a better one. Felt good to put into practice something I can believe in. The questions served me by helping me see that I was ailing over the problem at hand and that I really could not change the issue and constantly seeking resolution to an unsolvable problem caused me pain, that I was inflicting on myself. I chose to show myself compassion and change my reality.

"In our quest for wholeness, for Awen, we can either run around in circles, questing after the Grail through established means, or we can simply look within to gain a better perspective on compassion and the divine, whether it be male or female, or even genderless. It is the deep exploration within that allows us to bring that knowledge out into the world - "

I'm no expert. The only clue I have that I belong is the calling I feel sometimes. Something beautiful and endless and so breath taking is calling to me. I have PTSD so cutting through the madness of trauma gets really hard sometimes.

"...instead of simply reacting to an event, we act with intention, with mindfulness and awareness..."

I buy into that. The debris of my old habits takes up valuable space I need to clean out so I can hear the trees.


Many Grammar were hurt in my tale. Sometimes my writing skills work and sometimes they don't.  Annoying for sure but my 'intent' is good ;)

Even more rock bowl.

This is what the earth elemental was calling me for today. Good grief do I grammar much?
Whimsy in my garden? Or sign posts for travelers in time and space?
I love my garden so much, 30 degrees this a.m. could not keep me from the clear sky, the warm caress of the sun.  I.must.garden...
Collecting branches to weave a small fence. The small growing green things bring a fuckton of joy and revelation.

Fun!

I use to be a druid.

As far back as I can remember I had an affinity for animals; wanted to be a veterinarian.  As I grew into adulthood I discovered a love of the forest and especially trees. I didn't understand that I was being called. I only knew a deep happiness on mountain hikes and camp outs. I thought for the most part that it was a childish thing to dream that the trees could talk to me.
A traumatic event shut me down to all of that. That openness to the earth went bye bye for many long and some sad years. I searched for meaning every where but inside myself.
Now, nearly 3 decades later, another traumatic event has brought me to a place where I have to truly own my shit. I'm the chooser, I decide what's for keeping  and what baggage needs to be set down.
Taking ownership of myself and my behavior has given me some clarity and opened me up to the earth and trees are once again calling me.
My one champion, my daughter helped me with reading lists and advice to encourage me to get healthy, mind and body. I feel reborn. I am letting my child like nature run free, feeling once again the young women who heard the trees talking.
At the present moment, I'm seeking. I am being called by the Druids path very strongly, but also feel the pull of Wicca. I'm enjoying the two traditions, making discoveries and taking on the happy chore of cleansing and filling my soul and healing my heart.

I'm a warrior

More rock bowl.

Lil overload but i cant shop so i forage. Ha!

Speaking of star dust...

I like the idea of law of attraction. I love the idea that we came from a dark hole and the universe is now heading back to be reborn in another big bang. I buy into that. It's a testament to me that the wonder of being a human and able to love and be loved is mind blowing. Think about it. I could just as randomly as the stars were tossed about in the cauldron of life, become an ice atom on one of the ice volcanoes on the planet pluto. Yeh I still think of it as a planet. So the worries and trials we go through in our short silly lives are just little bits of a billion year old event. I forget how old the smarties have determined the universe to be. It's just old to me in a way my brain can't truly comprehend. Yes I suck at math. So as I go about my day co-creating my own reality full of love and bounty and crafting (yes I quilt and sew and try new things and sculpt pretty gardens and blah blah blah.) I look up at the sky and revel in the utter amazing me that got a chance to be grateful and eat chocolate. Weeee! I say Weee!